There’s an old adage: “Faith can move mountains.” Whoever came up with that gem probably didn’t leave the house a lot. In today’s tumultuous times, faith can barely move bowels, let alone mountains. Yet, we are encouraged by presidential candidates to vote for them based on how super-duper their personal religious beliefs are. The last time this country voted for someone who claimed that God was his co-pilot; things didn’t work out so hot. [referring, of course, to W]
Here's a few more paragraphs:
Over the years, I’ve come to discover that people who talk about their faith the most usually have the least and those who rant about the angry God of the Old Testament usually have inflatable sex partners (or want one).
The introduction of God as a running mate is a pretty recent development and one that is a good reflection of a society wherein pro-lifers are in favor of the death penalty, guys like Bill Frist think folks like Terri Schiavo are one kick away from being a Rockette and Hot Pockets are considered a serious source of nourishment.
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Over the past twenty years, however, politicians, largely Republican conservatives, have bent over backwards to display their higher moral values, sneering at their so-called secular brethren in the Democratic Party. And, when Republican conservatives weren’t bending over backwards to display their values, they usually found a variety of other swell things to do while they were in that position.
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Now, after nearly eight years of a meandering Messianic meathead, the American people are being called to pick a new President and, as usual, Republicans are playing the “God” card. (It’s a Joker, folks.)
Quoting and commenting on Mitt Romney:
“There are some who may feel that religion is not a matter to be seriously considered in the context of the weighty threats that face us,” he recently intoned. “If so, they are at odds with the nation’s founders.”
Somewhere, Ben Franklin is nursing a fifth of whiskey.
He's even harder on Huckabee:
If Romney is a God Squad wannabe, Mike Huckabee is the real deal. An affable, down-home guy who loves jamming on his bass guitar, Huckabee is, in a word, whacked.
This is a professional Christian who defended his belief in the death penalty by saying “If there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued against the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, ‘This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency.’”
Forget the theological slapstick of that statement, for a moment. What it boils down to: if Jesus can take it, so can you, wussy. Top of the world, Ma!!!
Buried beneath his quick-wit and Gomeresque demeanor, ol’ Mike has quite a few interesting beliefs. He thinks America’s “holocaust” of abortions has caused the work shortage leading to the present wave of illegal Mexican immigrants. Save a fetus. Pick a strawberry. Also: the Earth is about 6,000 years old. And, “Inherit the Wind” be damned, evolution isn’t scientifically accurate.
He attributes his popularity to the Big Guy. “There’s only one explanation for it, and it’s not a human one. It’s the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of five thousand people.”
(And that little boy, Dudley Pudinski, later went on to found Dumpster Diving Caterers.)
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