Brodkorb here

Brodkorb here.

This is Kathy Kersten.

What? Speak up! I can’t hear you.

[stage whisper] IT’S KATHY KERSTEN. I’M IN THE NEWSROOM, SO I HAVE TO TALK SOFT! I NEED YOUR HELP!

Sure Katie, I mean Kathy, what’s up?

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS, BUT DANE SMITH AND PAT DOYLE ASKED ME TO HELP THEM WITH, LIKE, A NEWS ARTICLE! AND I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT’S ABOUT THAT ICKY KEITH ELLISON, YOU KNOW, THAT BROWN PERSON, THE MUSLIM, WHO IS RUNNING FOR CONGRESS. I ALREADY TALKED TO ASSMISSLE, I MEAN HINKROCKET, NO THAT’S NOT RIGHT EITHER, AND BIG TRUNK, BUT THEY JUST BLEW ME OFF AND SAID GO READ THEIR BLOG, AS IF I DIDN’T HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO! HAVE YOU GOT ANY DIRT ON ELLISON?

Dirt, baby? You’ve come to the right place. He’s a terrible driver.

GREAT! DID HE KILL SOMEBODY OR GET IN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT?

Well, no, but he got some parking tickets.

PARKING TICKETS? I’VE GOT THOSE.

[defensively] Well, he has some moving violations, too!

SO DO I. IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?

‘Fraid so, sweetie. What’s your email address; I’ll send you the whole list.

OKAY, IT’S KKERSTEN@STARTRIBUNE.COM. BYE.

Later . . .

Hey Dane and Pat! I did some checking around and hacked the DMV database, and guess what? Keith Ellison is a terrible driver! Here’s a complete list.

Thanks Katie, I mean Kathy. When we write our story, you won’t get a byline, but we’ll say at the foot of the story that you contributed to it.

Tags: Katherine Kersten Keith Ellison