We've got trouble!

Alternate title: This ain't yo' Mama's Southdale

We've got trouble! Right here in River City. Trouble, that starts with T, which is next to S, and that stands for Southdale! (Spot's apologies to Meredith Wilson.) So says Katie in her column today about the crime wave at Southdale Mall, Katie's second favorite place of worship. It seems a young person was stabbed in a gangland massacre in the Food Court! Oh dear Spotty, what happened to him?

Well, he was treated at Fairview Southdale and released.

(The photo shows a tension-filled scene from near the entrance to the theaters at Southdale.)

What other terrible things have taken place at Southdale that Katie mentions, Spotty?

Well, grasshopper, Spot has examined Katie's breathless reporting a couple of times, and he can't find anything else. Katie said that Mike Siitari, the chief of police, said that theft and disturbance calls were up - obviously something to be worried about. But probably not warranting Katie's hysteria.

But now, boys and girls, Spot will tell you what Katie's column was really about: the invasion of Edina by brown people from Minneapolis.

Just kids shoplifting CDs, you think? On May 13, Southdale had a gang-related stabbing. Two groups of juveniles accosted each other while waiting for a movie, and a fight broke out. The youths -- all Minneapolis residents -- identified themselves as members of Hispanic gangs, the Sureños 13 and Los Vatos Locos, according to Siitari. The victim was treated and released. [italics are Spot's]

Why the nerve of those kids! Leaving the inner city where they belong. If these kids have bus fare to Southdale, we had better cut back on social services. They clearly have too much money to spend! Here's Katie's fretful finish:

Parental escorts? Verbal judo? High-tech command centers? [some of the things being tried elsewhere] It doesn't sound like the shopping trips of my youth. But now these things are part of the landscape -- everywhere.

That's the world we've made for us and ours.

You got that last part right Katie, only you and your buddies like Mitch Pearlstein would only make it worse if you could.

Tags: Katie frets shopping center security