Sunday, January 17, 2010

It’s me, It’s me, It’s me, O Lord

It’s me Lord, Kathy Kersten.

Oh, Katie, you again. Y’know, between you and MIchele, you don’t give a Diety a moment’s rest.

But Lord, it’s because there are so many thing to ask you about.

There are so many people to tattle on; that’s what you really mean, don’t you?

Me? Oh no, Lord, not me!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [laughter sounds like pealing thunder]

Well, enough chit chat! Maybe I should get right to it.

That’s a good idea, Katie, because you’re sure not getting anywhere with your denials.

Okay, I wrote a column in the newspaper today about gay rights supporters being mean to people like me, righteous people who think that gays are an abomination and surely shouldn’t be recognized as people with, y’know, civil rights.

Yeah, I saw it.

[sounding pleased with herself] You did?

You forget, Katie; I see everything.

Right. Anyway, I catalogued examples of the gays being such bullies!

Anybody hurt?

I thought you saw everything.

Just work with me here.

No, I don’t think so. But they’re so unpleasant – never mind the abomination stuff – pointing people out and making fun of them; what kind of example does it set for the young people?

You’re right, Katie.We need more people to grow up and be like Carrie Prejean.


Kidding. I really did forget the irony warning buzzer on your model, didn’t I? Where did you get all the gay-hating stuff, anyway?

From none other than Moses, mostly.

Moses was a pretty deaf old man, and kind of a prude, too, when he took dictation from me about the laws. In fact, Michele and I had a conversation about it once; you might want to check the transcript. He filled in a lot of stuff himself.

You keep a transcript of prayers?

Of course, St. Peter can’t remember it all, and he is the gatekeeper.

Oh, my.

By the way, Katie, do you have any unmarried daughters?

You know I do; why?

Well, just think about it, okay? Other than Moses, who have you got for authority?

The apostle Paul, and he’s New Testament, too.

Paul? That guy was so far in the closet that I’m surprised he had enough light to write. If Paul was alive today, there’s no doubt in my mind he’d be a Republican buddy of yours. I notice that you didn’t mention the Kid.

No, he didn’t really talk about gays.

Well, you might think about that, too. Katie, you are a piece of work, if I do say so myself.

Why thank you; I’m made in your image, you know.

[shuddering] But what about all the other people; aren’t they made in my image, too? And maybe it’s you that should think a little about setting an example of tolerance.

I’ll have to think about that. Can I get back to you?

You know where to find me.

NB – To new readers here, this post may seem a little, well, derivative of Lily Coyle’s letter in the Strib, Friday’s Spotty (tm) winner. But Spot has been writing about conversations between Katie and MIchele and the Big Gal Upstairs for quite a while.

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