Thursday, February 23, 2012

O, Lard, my Lard, why hassst Thou forshaken me!

From the G.R. Anderson
City Pages article from 2006
O, Lard, my Lard, why hassst Thou forshaken me!

What is it now, Michele? Say, have you been drinking?




It's okay. What's the problem?

My beautiful housh!

What about your housh; I mean house?

My housh is no long in my Housh District. I mustch choose between my housh and the Housh. My job or my housh.

Boy, you really are sloshed. But you know, Michele, a lot of people have lost both their job and their housh, as you say, recently.

But Lard, this is meeee, Michele, the anointed one. These tinks don't happen to meeee; they aren't suppostched to, anyway. Where were You, anywaaay?

I beg your pardon?

Why dint you protec meee from the librul judges on Toosday?

You mean the two Republican appointees, the two Independent appointees, and the one DFL appointee? If you must know, I was trying to keep some gay kids from getting beat up in your old hometown. They're mine too, not that you ever noticed.

Well, I never ---

That's what I said; you never noticed they're mine, too. Although we've discussed it before.


Really. And losing your house, and your job, well, we discussed that, too.

No we dint.

Yes, we did.

Don't you remember I told you that Beelzebub wanted to go double or nothing on that Job bet he lost with me, and betting against you this time? I decided to toss the House and the "housh" in as goodies for good measure, just to make it interesting before we drop the hammer.

Let's see how you do. Any you never told me, do you have any cattle?

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