Monday, January 29, 2007

The Prezinut seeks a little guidance

Uh, Uncle Dick? Can I see you for a minute?

Sure, Junior, I mean Mr. President, come on in and have a seat.

I shore appreciate this. [pause] Dick, will you turn yer recorder off, please?

Oh sure. I just forgot. [click]

Thanks. I just remember the last time I talked into yer flowers here. Scooter and Addington were makin' jokes for weeks. Made me kinda' sore.

Well, boys will be boys!

Yeh, I guess. Got daughters myself, so I don't know. Speakin' of Scooter--things don't look so good for him, do they?

No, Ari kind of ratted him out. Damn shame really. You know you will have to bail him out, don't you, Mr. President?

Ah know. But ahm a little mad at Scooter. I think he is trying to throw Rover under the bus. On the other hand, that Fitzgerald fella is trying to throw you under the bus. What a world! Say wasn't "Fitzgerald" that Jack Kennedy's middle name? Might be somethin' there. We outta check into it.

Sure, Mr. President, we'll do that. What's really on you mind?

Well, Dick, I don't exactly know. But I got a bad feeling about this Iran deal. I think we may be stickin' our peckers where they don't belong, if you follow my meanin'.

No Mr. President, I really don't.

Ah mean, that President Ahm-bad-inna-head, or whatever his name is, is kind of making' fun o' me.

[sighs] Mr. President, you're a bigger man than he is.

Ah know. I jes think mebbe we git further if we just play cool and talk to 'em.

That's a really bad idea, Mr. President. What if we reduced tensions and there was still an Islamic government in Iran? They'd still be influential in Iraq. You know how the Iranians are already talking about taking a bigger role in Iraq. And you've already threatened them about that.

Yeah, that's right, I did. You know, invitin' Iran into Iraq is kinda our own fault, with the invasion and all. Now that I think about it, it's mostly your fault!

My fault? This is exactly what we want!

It is?

Sure. Iran has always been the country standing in our way of complete dominance of the Middle East. You must see that. We have to provoke Iran so we have an excuse to take them out.

But Dick, we got 150,000 troops mired in Iraq and what? 20,000 - 30,000 in Afghanistan, not to mention all these NATO fellas we snookered into goin' there. Iran could hit all of 'em with missiles. And we ain't got nobody left. And the Straits of Whore - Moos, why Bobby Gates was tellin' me those Iranians got a bunch of those Sunburned missiles and could close that sucker down quicker than I can say armadillo. Maybe even sink the carriers I sent there. I gotta tell you Dick, it worries me.

That's why we'll probably have to nuke 'em, Mr. President.

NUKE 'EM? Boy, I don't think I signed up for that!

Well, you shouldn't worry about it. It's really almost out of our--especially your--hands anyway.

God's will, ah guess.

Something like that.

Well, ah think ah will hit the gym and then head upstairs for supper. Ahm glad we could have this talk.

So am I, Mr. President. Have a nice run. Say hello to Condi.

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