Thursday, December 27, 2007

The last Spotty of 2007!

Spotty, why don't cops often write blogs?

Because they're like lawyers: generally not very funny.

But you told us about a funny one once.

Ah, yes, the Discordian Stooge who writes At the Hillocks of Hysteria. He is pretty funny. In fact, DS wins a Spotty™ for a post he wrote a few days ago. It's called A Public Service Announcement Followed Me Home the Other Day. Here's the opening graf:

People call the police for a lot of strange reasons. Many calls involve criminal or suspected criminal behavior. Others involve people with honest to god problems that the police are in a position to help with (e.g. Cars stuck in the middle of the street; Lost stuff that needs to be given to somebody). Then there are the other calls ...

What follows are several vignettes of citizens misapprehending the function of law enforcement. A couple of examples:

What you should do in your personal life, however, is another matter. I don't know if you should let so-and-so move in with you. Chances are, I haven't met the person. I'm not an accountant, and can't tell you what to do with your money (I will advise you not to store hundreds of thousands of dollars in the crawlspace under your house, though, if you ask). I can't enforce a non-existent court order to get your kids back from Dad's house when you are unwilling to go get them yourself.

If a bouncer kicks you out of a bar, it was for a good reason. I can't get you back in (and probably wouldn't even if I could). If the bouncer insulted you, that's not a crime, and I don't know what you should do to get over the experience. Maybe find a therapist. Or another bar.

That's just the beginning. Go and read the rest. Humans, you gotta love 'em!

Remember, boys and girls, a Spotty™ is awarded to the author of an op-ed piece, a letter to the editor, or a blog post or comment that Spot wishes that he had written. In addition to the award, and in accordance with practice here at The Cucking Stool, an award winning blog also gets a place on the blogroll.

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