Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Remember the Second Commandment (not Amendment)

bachmann action figure Dave Dziok, a spokesperson for Bachmann, said the Congresswoman hadn't heard about the action figure. "That's pretty cool," he said.

Michele, have we ever talked about graven images before?

Is that you, Lord?

Who else talks inside your head? Oh, never mind. Yes, it’s me.

I’m sorry; say again?

Have we ever talked about graven images before?

Why — why, I don’t believe we have. Why do you ask?

You do know about the new “Bachmann action figure,” don’t you?

Somebody mentioned something to me about it. I think it’s kind of a cute idea. I’m doing a calendar, too, you know. Nothing racy, of course, Lord. I guess people just can’t get enough of me, and  . . .

Michele! Dammit! Can I get a word in edgewise here?

Of course, Lord! You don’t have to cuss.

You know who all those evangelicals make their imprecatory prayers to, don’t you MIchele? With me, it’s not cussing; it’s an action verb.

Oh yes! Lord! I’m sorry, heartily sorry!

That’s more like it. Now, back to graven images. You know I don’t like them.

[sweetly] Really?

[thundering: literally] Does the term Golden Calf mean anything to you, Michele?

[in terror] Oh, Lord, my Lord! Do not cast thy servant away in displeasure! Do you really think that Action Michele is a graven image?

Nah. Just kidding. Really had you going there for a minute, didn’t I? I think at most it’s a jack-off aid for conservative guys. Kind of like guns.

Oh, my; that’s a relief.

There is one thing I like about it, though.

[very earnestly] What’s that, Lord?

I love the complexion they gave you. Makes you look Latina. I always thought I made you too pallid. This is much better.

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