Monday, March 26, 2007

Can you beat him, Daddy?

A conversation from long ago with one of Spot's pups:

Daddy, can you beat Hoak?


You know, Hoak.

I don't know who you mean.

Sure you do. Hoak. Hoak Hogan.

Why would I fight with Hulk Hogan?

I don't know.

Hulk Hogan is, of course, Katie's avatar for Gerald Nolting, the Minneapolis lawyer who wants to kick some imam butt. Spot has said this about Nolting's entrance—stage right, of course:

Word comes today that Spartan Gerald Nolting at Faegre & Benson has donned his feathered helmet and unsheathed his mighty briefcase in defense of Mr. and Mrs. Bigot.

Spot thought that calling Nolting a Spartan—a reference to the new cartoon 300 was pretty clever—but he has to admit that Katie has him beat: Hulk Hogan, the quintessential oily, narcissistic blowhard. Spot can't top that. Bet Gerry loved it, too!

There is only one teensy problem. Nowhere has it been reported—and Katie doesn't either—that Mr. and Mrs. Bigot have contacted Hoak, er, Gerry.

Little kids on the playground love to exchange taunts of "My Dad can beat up your Dad!" Katie is no different here. She's just as childish. Whether one dad can beat up another is always irrelevant to the dispute at hand, and the fact that Gerald Nolting is willing to don his Crusader costume tells us nothing about whether imams have a case or whether the Bigots should be worried. It's a variation of the whose god is stronger argument.

Spot has an idea. Tell you what Gerry, if you feel so strongly that the Bigots are pure as the driven snow, why don't you offer, in addition to representing them, to indemnify them against any judgment entered against them? Really put your money where your mouth is!

And Spot has a tip for Mr. and Mrs. Bigot, too. In describing Nolting's exploits, the first thing Katie mentions is a $5 billion dollar punitive damage award won against Exxon because of the Exxon Valdez oil tanker spill. [whispering in Mr. Bigot's ear, now] But you might want to ask how much of that money has been collected so far.

Tags: wants to wrestle the

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