Monday, October 10, 2005

Whack! Whack! Whack!

Katie cinches up the spiked mortification band (cilice) around her thigh, and she gives a little gasp of pain and a shiver of pleasure. Then she takes the small Tendrils of Redemption Flagellator (that she got at a recent Opus Dei convention) out of her pencil can and administers several sound whacks over her shoulder to her back. Weeping softly, she replaces the Flagellator, and turns to her Underwood to write today's column.

Except for stories about how we are winning the war in Iraq, Katie likes nothing better than a story of modern tight-assed asceticsm, and she has one today. Katie tells us about the St. John Vianney Seminary in St. Paul, located on the University of St. Thomas campus. There, Katie says with relish:
In addition to philosophy and theology, says [the seminary's president] Baer, SJV stresses behavior that families used to teach, but often don't today: "Things like be true to your word, apologize when you've done wrong, welcome visitors with hospitality."
Katie is getting to be quite the tag team quoter! Here's another example of her clumsy art:
There's no room at SJV for what some call "the beige church" -- the "whatever turns you on" spirituality that became popular in the 1970s and '80s. In Baer's view, the recent clergy abuse scandals had their roots, in part, in the freewheeling seminaries of those years.
"Some" refer to the "beige church?" Come on, Katie, admit it. You made that up.

Spot does find this quote chilling, made by a senior at the seminary:
Liaugminas [said senior] points to the 12 Apostles, who were willing to go to the death. "We want to be warriors for Christ, who are not afraid to fight for a cause," he said. "This is the stuff of legends, and it resonates deeply in our hearts here."
Just what the world needs: more religious zealots. Onward Christian Soldiers; the Crusades need you.


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