Friday, October 24, 2008

Hear Me, Michele

Michele, I want to talk to you.

I'm kinda busy right now, Lord. Maybe later?

No. Now.

Sigh. Okay. But I do have to run and tape a campaign commercial.

I know. That's what I want to talk to you about. Look, I know you're going to give a "mistakes were made; I was misunderstood; I'm sorry" with my fingers crossed kind of an apology. Don't do it.

Why not?

Do you know what "compounding the felony means," Michele?

It means making a situation worse by lying about it?

Close enough. Your remarks about Barack Obama - who I am endorsing for President by the way; look for the announcement shortly; I'm working up some extra bright sunshine for the presser - on Hardball that Barack is anti-American was a perfect statement of what you believe. Why mess it up with a mealy-mouthed apology? Nobody will believe it, and it will just dispirit your remaining supporters.

But I am sorry, Lord.

Sure, you're sorry that you doused yourself with gasoline and then flicked your Bic, but you dont' really take your comments back. You've repeated them. I've written about false witness; I'm sure you're familiar with the lines.

But I have no choice, Lord!

Of course you do; it's called free will. Although you're hardly a poster child for the concept right now.

O Lord, my Lord! What should I do?

I recommend putting your head between you knees and kis . . .  . Well, never mind that. But I do think I'll let you sweat this one out on your own. I'll check back a week from Wednesday to see how you made out.

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