Monday, October 23, 2006

God: listen up Michele!

Michele? Michele, are you listening?

[trembling] Who's that?

It's me, God.

Really? You sound so, so . . . feminine.

I didn't make up all that white beard crap, you people did.

What is it you want me to do, sir, I mean ma'am, I mean God?

Well, you can start by ditching the delusion that I give a rat's arse whether you get elected to Congress.

But ma'am, I . . .

Oh, and another thing: quit putting words in my mouth. Who the hell do you think you are, me?

Ma'am, but the Bible says we are made in Your Image.

Yeah, and you've done it exactly backwards. You're trying to make me in your own bigoted image. And it's starting to really annoy me. I don't know who's worse, you or that putz Mac Hammond. Winner's way, greed it good, what an arsehole.

I must say ma'am, you are a lot saltier than I expected.

SILENCE! You've heard of the plagues against Egypt? You think I'm salty now, just keep it up and see what happens when I really get mad.

Lord, Lord cast me not away in disfavor!

Ok, here's what I want you to do Michele. Remember that all of God's people and creatures have a place in the choir. Not just you.

I will Lord.

No you won't. I'm omniscient, remember?

Then do you forgive me?

We'll talk about that later.

Artwork by Ken Avidor

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