Thursday, July 06, 2006

Keith Richards and Katie's baby

Y’know Katie, it hasn’t been that slow a news week. Shuttle’s up; North Korea fired a bunch of fireworks on the 4th of July; Israel pounded Gaza in a massive act of collective punishment; the New York Times continues to take criticism on its SWIFT story, which you must be itching to pile on. There was no column from you on Monday, and what do we get today: Keith Richards. Keith Richards? She’s kidding, right?

No she is not kidding. Katie takes up the upcoming opening of Johnny Depp’s new film, a sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean. In the two movies, Depp plays a pirate, the always-at-least-a-little-inebriated Jack Sparrow. Depp said in an interview that Katie notes that he based his character on Keith Richards, the legendary reprobate from the Rolling Stones. Boy that takes Katie back!
I'll be lining up for a ticket to "Dead Man's Chest,"[the name of the new film] along with half of Minnesota. But when I read about Richards' role, I remembered my encounter with him and his fellow Stones back in 1989.

It was during the band's much ballyhooed "Steel Wheels" tour. My husband and I had searched high and low to find a baby sitter for our four kids. [successfully, apparently] We crowded into the Metrodome with thousands of other fans, many middle-aged like us. During the warm-up band's performance, I fled to the concession stand several times, trying unsuccessfully to escape the ear-splitting noise.

First of all, boys and girls, note that Katie describes herself as “middle-aged” in 1989. Well, as Spotty always says, you’re only as old as you feel! Or think. And ooh, that warm up band was loud! Perhaps Katie was expecting the Golden Strings from the old Radisson Hotel in Minneapolis. Note also how prolific Katie, like many conservatives, is. Perhaps it won’t be the meek who inherit the earth, or what’s left of it, after all!

Katie continues:
Then the Stones took the stage. After running through a few greatest hits, Mick Jagger broke into "Honky Tonk Woman." Giant inflatable dolls, "women of the evening," ballooned voluptuously toward the ceiling, and Keith Richards' haggard, leering face loomed on the giant video screen above the crowd.

Suddenly the rock 'n' roll pirates and their helium-filled wenches triggered an epiphany for me. As I stared at Richards, another image flashed into my mind -- my new baby's face. I felt acutely aware of her dependence on me, and her trust that I would sacrifice my own pleasures if need be to make her life safe and secure, and guide her through life's trials.

There was a gulf as big as the seven seas between what she needed from me and the ideal of careless freedom that the Rolling Stones were peddling. [italics are Spot’s]

Katie sees Keith Richard’s face and thinks of her baby? Make up your own joke; Spot isn’t going to touch that one.

After the wind-up, here’s the pitch:
We boomers have found it hard to turn our backs on the Stones' vision of freedom as eternal youth. We've been tempted at times by dreams of trading diapers and endless bills for a trip back to Woodstock, unfettered by the cares of grownups.

You know, you’re right Katie. Spot has observed that every time the Stones come to town, the incidence of four bedroom colonials in the suburbs coming on the market spikes! And lawyers, doctors, and accountants abandon their practices in droves to live on the beaches of Aruba and drink rum punch until they die.

You have to cut Katie a little slack, boys and girls. This 1989 Stones concert was obviously a very traumatic experience for Katie. She is still working through it. This is the second time she had mentioned it. Spot talked about the earlier column in All flesh is grass; the column itself has been taken down.

Tags: thinks and are icky

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