Friday, August 15, 2008

Dealing with illegal protesters

As some of you know, boys and girls, the Cucking Stool's former Iraq correspondent Dave Thul is a member of the National Guard who has been called up to help maintain peace and order at the Republican National Convention. It promises to be a big job, but Spot's sure that Sgt. Thul is up to the job. Except for maybe one little, itty-bitty matter. That is, dealing with all of the illegal protesters waving this sign:

You see, Joe "I'm Tired" Repya is planning to hand out a whole bunch of these signs to form a counter demonstration to the protest parade planned for September 1st:

At noon on September 1, the anti-war crowd claims they’ll have upwards of 50,000 marching from the Minnesota Capitol Building to the Excel Energy Center where the Republican National Convention, [will be held] at the Excel Energy Center in Saint Paul.

We are asking everyone who supports our men and women in uniform defending America in the War on Terror to line the streets from the Excel Center with our signs. It is our way of being "Minnesota Nice" and wishing these protesters a "nice day in Minnesota." We encourage no discussion or verbal exchange with the demonstrators - only a pleasant “smile! [sic]

Well, that's just great Joe! Do you have a permit for your demonstration? You don't? You're supposed to have one, you know:

Sec. 366A.01. Permit required.

(a) No person shall engage in or conduct any parade, race or public assembly without a permit issued by the chief of police.

Under 366A.01(f), they meet the definition:

(f) Public assembly means any meeting, demonstration, picket line, rally or gathering of more than twenty-five (25) persons for a common purpose as a result of prior planning in or upon any street, sidewalk or other public grounds in a place open to the general public.

Really, you don't have one, Joe? It's too late to apply; sorry. And we haven't even talked about the special requirements for the convention.

Sgt. Thul will probably have to round you and the rest of your scofflaws up, Joe.

Let's imagine it for just a moment, boys and girls:

DT. You there, with the pro-war signs! Do you have a permit?

JR. Permit? We don't need no stinkin' permit. We're red-blooded Americans!

DT. Be that as it may [okay, Dave probably wouldn't say it that way], you need a permit to be here.

JR. I told you, we don't have no stinkin' permit!

DT. Then you'll have to leave.

JR. Do you know who I am soldier?

DT. [wearily] Yes, you're "Col. I'm Tired," Joe Repya. And that's Mitch Berg and Chris Baker behind you.

JR. Then I order you to stand down.

DT. You're not even in the military any more. And you're not in my chain of command. I'm sorry; right now I am the law and you are not. Please leave.

JR. We won't. We're peaceful.

DT. Then why are your signs taped to axe handles?

CB. It's just so we can hold them up higher; honest.

DT. Right. You have to go now.

MB. We won't.

DT. Yes you will.

MB. Must I remind you that I have a permit to carry a weapon?

JR. Oh, Jesus. Mitch, shut up. But we're not leaving, Sarge.

DT. I am ordering you to leave.

JR. What? You can't do that!

[exhibiting the reflexes of the battle-hardened combat veteran that he is, DT swing his rifle and skewers JR's sign with his bayonet and jerks it off of the axe handle; JR is speechless, while MB and CB drop their signs and run]

DT. Now git!

[JR looks at the end of the axe handle with the tape flapping in the breeze; JR's jaw works, but no words come out; finally, he turns and walks away]

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