Monday, September 25, 2006

I love you, man!

I love you, man!

Jesus! Be careful, John. Don’t let our genitals touch!

Oh, sorry Mr. President. I guess you only like the legislative hummers you get from me.

That’s right, John. Just like the one you just gave me on the detainee torture “compromise.” You really want to get that Republican nomination for prezinut, don’t you John?

Yeah, I really do.

You always fold like a cheap umbrella, John, but I thought with you being tortured and all, you’d stick to your guns this final time around. Had me goin’ there for a while. Mebbe you are a little funny in the head, jes like we said back when you was runin’ agin’ me in 2000. You sure are a strange fella, John.

I really appreciate the fig leaf you gave me, Mr. President. Lettin’ me say that I haven’t permitted Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions to be rewritten. It seemed important to my supporters to be able to say that.

Well of course you haven’t, John, ah will be doin’ that.


Leggo me, John.

Spotty adds:

As reported in Empire Burlesque, here’s what the Senate majority leader and cat torturer said about the compromise:

Senator Bill Frist of Tennessee, the majority leader, said the agreement had two key points. “Classified information will not be shared with the terrorists” tried before the tribunals, he said. And “the very important program of interrogation continues.”

Here’s what the ACLU said about the compromise, from a Daniel Froomkin column in Friday’s Washington Post:

Caroline Fredrickson, director of the ACLU's Washington office released this statement: "This is a compromise of America's commitment to the rule of law. The proposal would make the core protections of Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions irrelevant and unenforceable. It deliberately provides a 'get-out-of-jail-free card' to the administration's top torture officials, and backdates that card nine years. These are tactics expected of repressive regimes, not the American government.

"Also under the proposal, the president would have the authority to declare what is -- and what is not – a grave breach of the War Crimes Act, making the president his own judge and jury. This provision would give him unilateral authority to declare certain torture and abuse legal and sound. In a telling move, during a call with reporters today, National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley would not even answer a question about whether waterboarding would be permitted under the agreement."

When Spot was a pup, Spot’s pop told him a story. In WWII, Spot’s pop was a military policeman, and one of his jobs, especially toward the end of the war, was to search newly-captured POWs and send them to the rear. It is so long ago now, that Spot isn’t really sure whether this happened to Spot’s pop, or whether he had just heard about it. And Pop is not around to ask.

Anyway, the story is that a young German soldier surrenders to the Americans. He’s a kid really, and the war is as good as lost for the Germans. When being searched, the soldier wants to keep his white handkerchief. When asked why, the soldier responds, When I got drafted, my father gave me this handkerchief of his and told me to wave it in front of the first American soldier I saw. And I did.

And that, boys and girls, is what has been lost.

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